Nantoka Hen no Monogatari [The Tale of Somewhat-Weird / 何とか変の物語 / 有点奇怪的物语 ]
Author's Note: I never thought this receive so many laughs from people. 0w0 Okay. I shall continue this then... |DDD
Note 2: This remains as a trollfic, because it's not meant to be serious at all. |DDD Don't come after me if you found that your name and glory have been destroyed in my hands OHHHHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOO~~~ |DDDDDDDD
{{{{{{ ============
Part Three: The Rivals!
============= }}}}}}
It was a dark, and stormy night. The roaring of thunder, the howl of wolves. Oh yes, this is a very dark day, indeed. The band of wolves gathered around, and feed onto the prey that they just got it. Oh yes, this is the best way to enjoy their food. But lately, they are weary about their surroundings... as if they're afraid that someone will come and attack them out of the blue.
And they would eat them.
It was a very scary rumor, and it became the truth only these few days, as they would see bones of their companions scattered around the floor, painful howls rang across the sky indicating the fall of another wolf. It was so sad. And these messages warned them to beware of them.
The wolf eaters.
Who are they?
Heh... heh... heh...
It's best if you don't know.
Because if you do, you would find it very scary, since they compromise just a duo of humans. And they're not skilled fighters. Only hungry berserkers that preyed on anything that they saw within their vicinity.
The wolves gulped in fear as they thought of what may become of them, and quickly finish their meal...
...but that's too late for them.
"YAAAH!" Suddenly, a battle cry went out! One wolf was already down as the attacker strike in such a swift motion! With only one dagger in her hand, and the devil smile on the cat face. Her companion, with two knives on his hands, and also a sly smile on the foreign face. There they come, the wolf eaters! The wolves scrambled in fear to not be caught by these hungry demons. But how unlucky one of them was, being targeted by the two of them. It couldn't escape, and it succumbed to the hand of the demon!
SLASH!
Bloods flowed out from his neck, indicating his death under the hand of the thief. Poor, poor, wolf.
"RICCHAN! YOU GET IT!!!"
"YEAHHH!!! LET'S EATTT!!!"
The two of them carried the fallen wolves back into their cave, and ready to feast into them.
That, was the fall, of the wolves.
And also the triumph, of the two amateur heroes.
======
[First Person POV]
"Harlow ni hao ma, zhong xin gan xie~" Kou and I happily sang the theme song from some certain cartoon as we carried the wolves back. It's getting harder and harder to hunt for foods right now, since they seemed to be aware of us. Hmmm... I wonder if we're THAT famous in their circle OHOHOHOHOHO---
"Nee nee Ricchan, what do you want for today?"
"Hmm... You suka larh!"
In just a short, short, one week time, we grown so macchi with each other. It seemed to me that the bonds we had in real life were still intact even though it's a different world right now. We talked like best friends, share foods, and all those things. And it's really weird that we still share the common experience that we had in our real life. Hmmm... Maybe this world is really just another parallel world to my world... Everything just seemed to be the same. With the only difference of me being a thief and we know how to kick asses. HA!
"Okay~ Then..." He clutched tightly onto his butcher knives, and with a swift slash- "HAI YAH!" -the wolves were instantly disembodied into different parts. Once again, I was mused on how efficient his attacks... I mean, sword-play especially when it comes to butchering foods. As long as you let him think that this is a food, not a monster, that is. "This part will go to the hot pot, this part will be fried, and then this part will---" There he goes again, his long rant and comments on where the different part of the wolves shall be cooked. Ello, I'm starving here, can fast a lil' bit ah?
Giving him an annoyed face, I began to poke him. "Eh eh, Yui... Though I say that I leave everything to you... I'm hungry here... Can you just make something first...?"
"Ricchan, sore ja DAME da yo!" Ugh! Again with that serious face of his. Every time he does that when it came to cooking and foods. I sighed in defeat as I saw that face. Oh, why he started to call me Ricchan like how he did in real life, and me calling him Yui? Well, it seemed that Tainaka Ritsu and Hirasawa Yui (his so-called ancestor) were best friends in the past, and since I'm a so-called Tainaka (which I just randomly picked and inserted it as my surname), we started to fool around and call each other's "ancestor's" name as our names. For fun, he claimed.
"Jeeeeeeee..." I stared at him... and the wolves meats, longingly. You probably won't understand, which I didn't at first, that wolf meats are actually delicacies. It began since the first day we departed...
[It Was One Week Ago...]
"Etto....... Kou...-chan," I looked at Kou's face, and began to wonder how serious he was.
"Hai?" He blinked towards me, as if what he said was the most common thing in the world.
"Dakara... sono... Honki, no kai?" I once again looked at him without much energy. I just can't believe what he asked me to do just now.
"Touzen da yo Rei-chan! Come on, they're about to be here!" With a pout, he turned his face back towards the gang of wolves. I sweatdropped. He can't be SERIOUS on this! I mean, hunting freaking WOLVES for FOOD?! Tte iu ka, are the meats even edible??!?!?!? Though this is Kou, the chef, we're talking about here but STILL!
It's. A. Freaking. WOLF.
WOLF I mean. WOLF.
W-O-L-F.
How can these things be eaten?! Or rather, won't we be the ones getting eaten instead?!
"Hayaku Rei-chan! Kuru zo!!!" He tugged on my shirt as he pointed at the wolves, signaling ME to go and hunt them down. Why me? Because I'm a thief. I'm fast. But...
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIIIIIGHTTTTTT~~~~~~
Can I insert a tearful face here? Sigh. I really wanna go "OTL" right now.
Sighing, what I can do was none other than to move forward, and slash through the wolves...
Talk is easy, do is hard.
Haiz. Ohhh well...
"J-Jya... Iku ze...!!!" Gulping, I lowered my body and aimed at one wolf. It's odd how Kou was able to get this cape for the both of us and the wolf just couldn't smell us out. Hmmm... Whatever it is, though we can hide for now, we can't hide forever. Taking a deep breath, I jumped out from the bushes!Wow, I suuuure can jump high...! The jump startled the beast, yes, and that's what I expected. But it didn't back off, and it's within my calculation--- okay, maybe I'm just lucky. Anyway, thanks to that, I'm able to swing my dagger into his back, and repeat my action for several times.
"ROOOARRR!" It howled in pain and misery, and DAMN I feel so bad about the wolf. But then, if I don't kill him, he's ought to kill me later... and I was proved to be correct as I start to see a lot of wolves gathered around me.
"Oh... my... fucking..." In all of the sudden, they ganged up on me like nobody's business, and I start to run towards Kou's direction. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~ HELPPPPP~~~~~~~" I don't know how he did it, but apparently he THREW his knives towards the wolves behind me, and he used his largest knife to butcher over them. I stared at him with my wide eyes and gaping like the whole world has ended... but HECK.
Kou is AWESHUM.
Yes. The Hirasawa Kou in this world. SURELY kick asses.
And I should be able to do that too!!!
With that thought in my head, I get back up and charged forth towards the remaining wolves.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" I surely don't know how it happened, but it seemed my speed is just SOOO fast that I can't believe what I've done - I just instant slashed 3 wolves in front of me, escaped from another two by jumping over them, and slashed their back as I flipped. Wooooow.
I'm AWESHUM.
Yesyes, I'm prasan, thank you. But it's TRUE! It's like, you can do almost ANYTHING in this world!
Now there's a chance to hunt them down... Heh... Heh... Heh... But suddenly, as I was juuuuuuuust about to be starting to get excited in killing these little beasts, they ran away as if we're the devils over here--- well, considering the fact that we killed almost half of their brethren, I guessed so.
"Well come on back and revenge... I shall have you in my hands...... MWAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!!!" I thought it out loud which I didn't noticed, until Kou gave me a puzzled face, then I stopped.
"*cough* I mean. Let's get these wolves back!" I put on the MOST cheerful face I had in my whole life - Damn, it's my first ever VICTORY! - and carried these wolves back-------
"FFFFFFFFFFFFF--- They're heavy." Okay, being a thief means that you can insta-SLASH (slash, not kill) things, but not carry heavy things. God. I really wished to be a Warrior right now. Siiigh...
There's a total of 7 wolves that we killed - amazing, right? - and we set up a camp near that area. Kou said that he's going to cook them......but...
How?!
"Okay! Let's start!" As he rolled up his sleeves, Kou smiled, grabbing firmly on his chef's knife.......okay, perhaps I shouldn't go into too much of the details on how he actually strip them off their skins, disembodied the wolf into different parts, and start to cook the meats of the 7 wolves.
I couldn't stand the sight of the goriness (ei, SEVEN freaking wolves, not just ONE. IMAAAGINE!!!) and I looked away, telling him to call me when it's done. I walk around the camp, just to be on my guard if there's any more monsters coming here. Apparently, there's none. Good. Because I'm quite tired from the hunt just now.
"Rei-chan~ Mou ii yo~" Ah, I was just about to get hungry! Good timing Kou! But...
I wonder what kind of gory meal that he would make from the wolves... ugh.
But as I walk back, what I saw was entirely a different scene from what I've imagined.
Previously: A bloody gory scene that involves skinning of dead wolves.
Currently: A delicious scene that involves shining attractive meats and colorful dishes.
Wow.
Just, wow.
I really wonder what magic had Kou cast on the 7 dead wolves.
I just walk forth towards the beautiful dishes, and sat down. My eyes wandered around the dishes, and I really wonder which one should I pick first. There are: sashimi, meat chop, grill meat, hot pot, fried meat, meatballs... yes, they're all meat. Makes you wonder where's the veges.
Wait. I had a point.
"No veges?" I titled my head to the side, looking at him. He blinked, and stared back at me.
"You no pick?"
"..."
"..."
Fine. My bad. Sigh.
"Aiya, don't care larh! Let's eat~~~" With a slight-nervous laughter, I put all the vege-stuffs away and start feasting on the wolves. Yummmmmmmmm~~~ You really can't deny Kou's AWESHUM cooking skills... The sashimi... dipped in the finest wasabi sauce (I wonder where did he get this... did he brought it alongside him?)... the freshness of the smooth thin slice of meat... Mmm~ Oh, and that slice of meat chop! The juicy juices burst in my house as I bite into it, and that tangy feel as I chew onto it... Oh yeah...! I popped one fried meat into my mouth, and OH! You CANNOT deny the delicious taste of it! And that crispiness... and that... that... Hot. Meat...
There's so much more to say about these meats, but I'm just too busy chewing and swallowing on them to give you anymore additional comments. If there is one word to describe all of these, I must say:
WONDERFUL.
[Back to present...]
And so, as Kou the almighty chef is still cooking, I was so bored and I took out the orb in my hand. It's been one week since we tried to locate anyone that's possible to join our group... and oddly, Kou was able to accept my story as a... what, heroine to save the world? Hmm. I don't know, but he seemed to believe in me. Anyway, this orb seemed to be useless, since... it doesn't show a single hint or ANYTHING in it. What on earth i---
Wait.
"Huh?" I blinked as I saw a small arrow within it. It was pointing at...
"There...?"
I looked at that direction that it's pointing at. It was a mountain. Mmhm. A mountain. We NEED to climb that mountain.
"Rei! It's ready!"
"Okay~ ITADAKIMAAASU!!!"
Oh well, whatever it is, let's just... leave it until tomorrow. For now...
"EAT!!!!!!"
======
What. Friggin. Mountain. IS THIS?!
There are SO MANY friggin' THORNS! I need to constantly swing my unlimited-dagger-works without a friggin' rest! GAH!
"Goodness... Gomen Kou!" I never thought that this route is such a harsh road... Friggin'...!
"Iya, daijoubu da yo... The orb says so..." He smiled weakly at me, making me feel much apologetic and guilty. DAMN! Never should've bring him with me. Sigh.
But if he's not here, maybe I'm already DEAD.
Since there's a lot of wolves seemed to be around this area. Different from the wolves we normally hunted, they were much vicious. Perhaps mountain wolves like them aren't that of a scaredy cat compare to their flat ground jungle brethren. Kou felt like killing them and turn them into dishes... of course, I stopped him. It'll be hard to carry those mountain wolves around.
Yes, weight is the only problem.
Food isn't.
He's welcomed to kill them and turn them into food anytime as long as the weight is not a problem... BAHAHAHAHA!
I followed the orb and it lead me into a jungle, at first, then it came to grass field - still with trees surrounding - and there stood two individuals, having a duel, it seemed. I was kind of shocked when I realized who they are - or who they were supposed to be in the real world, and I checked the orb to see if this is real.
"Hmm? Rei?" Kou blinked, noticing my odd behavior.
My eyes twitched. No doubt. There's two arrows in my orb and they're pointing at each of them. I sweatdropped. But, those two were...!
M-M-Masa....ka......?!
"Sebastian..." A long black haired beauty looked at the handsome man in front of her, full with emotions that she couldn't explain. Her hand clutched firmly at her broadsword, observing the priest in front of her.
"Hime..." The handsome man (?) whispered out the name softly, looking at the beauty in front of him with the same intensity. The cross staff was still resting on his back though. All he did was to look at the black haired lady in front of her.
A moment of silence.
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmgh!!! KUUUUUHHH!" Ah, she finally couldn't take it any longer. I knew it. It happened in real life as well. "How many times I need to tell you that's not my name!"
"Ara sou?" The man - she wish, but she's just a woman, I know - shrug the threaten off and simply act as if she's digging her ears at the scream of the long haired woman in front of her. Sasuga ano hito... "Jya... Alien?"
"JANAI N DA!!!"
"Ah! Wakatta... ANTENNA!!!" Ah, the famous playful face from the priest with a tongue sticking out, and that same enraged face of the vampire. Mmhmm. No doubt. Those two are...
"Kuh...!!!!!!! Saitou Kotobuki Izaya Leyna Luka Sebastian... *takes a deep breath* SHINDEEEE!!!"
"Hahaha! Let's see who will win against who then! AKIYAMA YUKIHIME YOOO!"
Sigh. It IS those two indeed. My other two best friends in the real world - Yukihime and Reina-onie-sama. "Ha...ha..." I never thought I'd meet them in such way... And what's with the names of theirs?! Why was Onie-sama's name so long in this world?! And the heck with the surname of Yukihime's?! Why must it be one of the K-On--- argh, whatever. It already happened to me and Kou... What I can do is just to facepalm and shook my head.
"Kyaaa~" Kou was... kind of afraid, I guess? Wait, did he just 'kyaaa'd? Well, I could see him dodging one of the magic blasts and some several whirldwinds. Well, they did start off with weapons and skills... they DID. But they ended up throwing the weapons away and put the skills aside... and a cat fight begun.
"You and your stupid hair...!"
"Says you alien!"
"GAH! WAX DOLL!"
"Go back to your mothership!"
"Do you wanna try the power of this dictionary?!"
"Play with trees, plant squirrels, I DON'T CARE!"
".......nani ya, korya...?" Kou and I could only looked at the scene in front of us slowly unfold... and wonder if we should leave them alone...
"Yi jiao ti ni qu fei zhou! [One leg kick you go Africa!]"
"Hao ah! Lai ah! Pa ni ah! [Good ah! Come ah! Scare you ah!]"
"Aiya?! You arrogant lil'...!"
"Says you, princess!"
"THAT'S NOT MY NAME!"
"Buek~ I'mma beautiful butterfly~"
......seriously, what kind of a comical battle is this. Once again, I facepalmed myself, and looked into the orb. Yeap, it began with two arrows, and now they've joined together and pointing at one direction - their wrestling direction. Twitching, I really wonder what can I do to recruit them into my team. It's kind of impossible to do so during their state right now. Sigh. Why is this so hard...?
"N-nee... Rei-chan... You suuure you wanna recruit them...?" Kou softly jabbed me, and asked me.
"..." 'HOW WOULD I KNOW?!' Was what I really wanna tell him (and to myself) but... "Haiz..."
"UGH!!! Anta ne......!!!" The vampire lady finally split out from their cat fight, and looked towards my direction--- wait a second. Is she freaking looking at ME?!!!?!?!?
"Uh-oh......" A sweat dropped upon my face. I know that it's a bad thing coming up with that look on her face. Gulping, I quickly turn around and start to dash! "KOU! RUN!!!"
"H-Huh?! O-OKAY!!!" Kou ran along with me right after I ran...I assumed, through the noises of the footsteps. Hell I don't DARE to take a look behind! Who knows what's aftering me?!
"OHHHHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO~~~ You canNOT run away from me!!!" ZOMG, it's that super-witch-like LAUGHTERRR!!! I gotta run, I gotta run, I gotta...!
"Oshi-"
"Caught ya!"
I feel a hand grabbed on my shoulder, and pulled me towards that evil figure. "AHHHHHHH~" Obviously, my scream did not do any justice during this turn of event. Hell! I was SUPPOSED to recruit them... and NOW I'm the victim?! This is just...!
"BULLSHIT!!!"
"HYAHYAHYAHYAHYAAA!!!"
"OI! YUKIHIME! Don't drag innocent people into our war!" The priest(ess) ran after the vampire, and shot a few holy arrows towards her... but of course, they all missed because... well, sadly, I'm in the evil's hands.
"Hmph! What makes you THINK I would listen to you?!" She scorned... while dragging on my shoulder. Ouch, I start to feel it ache right now. Oh dear Yukihime-sama, could you PLEEEASE release me? Though I knew you won't... but wasn't it good to pray and hope sometimes? Especially during some critical moments like this.
And as if my prayer has reached the god (or maybe not), she released me......only to let me feel a sharp pain on my neck as I felt my blood getting drawn into her mouth.
Oh god, she had bit onto me. What the heck? Would I become a Vampire Cat? Ohwait. That sounds awesome. Maybe I can fly. YYYEAY~
Oh yeah, sarcasm, indeed.
Anyway, I can only see Kou and supposedly-Onie-sama slowly running at me, voices blurring out, and finally...
Darkness.
===
"...guh..."
Where...am I?
I slowly open my eyes as the blurry visions slowly come together. And then, I saw...
"A girl... and an ah-kua? Ah, a witch."
"..."
"..."
"..."
*KA-PONG-PONG-PONGGG!!!*
"IIIIIITAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Who's the girl, the ah-kua, and the witch? Haha, you'll guess for it yourselves... because if I reveal it, I'm gonna be worse than how I am after I said those words.
"Hmph, and I was being kind to only suck a bit... I shall bite you to DEATH next time!" The vampire - Akiyama Yukihime - scorned as she glared at me. Gulp.
"G-Gomen nachai... Yukihime-chama......" I bowed down, almost touching the ground, as I apologized to the one who bit me before I collapsed... damn. I'm weak.
"Hmph," She once again turned towards the other side, and walked off... ahh, it seemed that I really offended her. But then, why she was here with the priest...ess. I mean, weren't they're fighting?
"Haha, she wasn't that bad a person... just that she was a lil' bit mean towards the humans and those who offended her," The priestess in male's robes - Saitou Kotobuki Izaya Leina Luka Sebastian (GASP FOR AIR. Her name is DAMN long!) A.K.A. my Reina-onie-sama - laughed as she patted on my head with a lot of meatbuns. What kind of meatbuns, you asked? Hmph, it's some painful meatbuns that you would NEVER want to experience in your whole like. Worse, I had THREE. Only by ONE single individual. ONE, I say. ONE. Though the other two looked like they want to kill me with their priced knives and holy books.
"Just a lil' bit mean... at humans..." I felt my cat eyes narrowed up in a defeated way. But it's true that she's really not a bad person in real life, just that she's kind of bears a grudge towards people and... yeah. I should feel lucky that I'm not a full human right now... Maybe becoming a neko youkai wasn't really a bad thing after all...wait.
"QUESTION SENSEI!" I raised my hand (and my voice), and started to bombard questions at the priestess - who seemed to be shocked by my sudden exclaimation. "Why are you and that vampire together? Where are we right now? Are you two free right now? Will you two join our party? Oh, and..." Taking a deep breath, I finished my questions. "...did I turn into a Vampire Cat?"
"..."
"..."
"R-Ricchan... sore wa......"
"Eh?" I blinked my eyes. What's wrong with my questions?
"Omee no sei da..." My supposedly Onie-sama had veins popped up on her head - wow, that's amazing! - and pointed towards the vampire. "If it's not because of you, we wouldn't even drop into this kind of place!!!"
"N-Nani wo...! You're the one who's fighting and chasing me! That's none of my business!" The vampire groaned and pointed back at the priestess.
"Yeah! And now we're trapped! Happy?!"
"Yeah yeah! Trapped with you and that idiotic cat and... that... elf!"
"What?! Am I a disgrace to you?! (wait, what?)"
"At least your blood isn't that good to drink! (it doesn't link...)"
"YOU WANNA FIGHT?!"
"WHO'S AFRAID OF WHO?!"
Kou facepalmed as the thing he feared the worst had happened...again. Apparently, this wasn't the first time they argued after we dropped into this kind of place. What kind of place, you asked? Well, as the lights became clearer (thanks to the Priest's "Light" magic), I could faintly recognize this place as......
A cavern.
Ohhhhhh yeah. A cavern.
We dropped into a cavern which we can't get out. Mmhmmm.
This, is simply, amazing.
Now that explains why my whole body is aching instead of just my head and my neck... and now my ears are in pain thanks to those two fighting over there. Now I understand why Kou doesn't want this to happen... sigh.
Now what should I do...?
I know. I'mma blaming it all at the fairy.
Yeah... stupid fairy.
===
Next Chapter Preview:
"Are you alone?"
Something tapped on my shoulder, and I happily turned around...just to see that it was a water driplet.
Oh, there's a light! There must be someone there! Someone--- ohwait. It's just a firefly.
"BAHAHAHAHA! THIS SKELETONE IS JUST SO FUNNY--- ohwait. No one's listening. Sigh..."
How much I wished there's at least someone around here. Even a ghost. I don't mind!
"I'm forever alone... in here..."
Next On: Part Four - Forever Alone?!
